Oh, Valentine’s Day

Oh, Valentine’s Day

By April Scott

 

 

 

Admission: I’m 29 and I’ve never had a “Real” Valentine. Now I do not admit this so people can feel sorry for me. I’m perfectly content in being single. I’ve often admitted to myself that I enjoy my freedom too much to settle down or even bother looking. Now, of course I have my moments where I am lonely, and wish I had a significant other. However, it hasn’t been until recently that I’ve realized that when the time is right, I’ll know; it’s really up to God anyhow.So up until this year, my mom had been my Valentine. She was my best friend and our relationship was unlike any other. She loved Valentine’s Day, simply because she could spoil me, she used to say. I lost my mom last May. It devastated me. I spent months not knowing if it was possible to survive without her. I was numb, and went day to day not even really being aware of my surroundings. I went through all the stages; you know the ones that everyone tells you are normal. I didn’t care what anyone else had to say. I was soo certain that no one understood how I felt. Again, I went to a place where I didn’t want pity or sorrys….I just wanted her back.{{more}}Time passed slowly, and it got a little easier. I started falling into a pattern of doing whatever I could to not feel. And it’s in this pattern that I made some huge regrettable mistakes. You know, the kind that replay over and over in your head… the kind you can’t seem to let go of. And it took all of those mistakes to realize that I deserved better for myself. I had been settling for less than what I wanted, thinking I didn’t deserve to have or find the perfect guy. I was completely wrong; it just wasn’t my time yet.I’ve had several talks with my sister about this. Her marriage is one I know I might never be able to achieve. She met her husband in high school. Sometimes don’t we all wish it could be that easy? She told me yesterday that she realized that she and her husband had been together for at least half of her husband’s life. That’s love….that’s commitment. I look to her advice. Every time her answer is pretty much the same….patience.I am notorious for loathing Valentine’s Day. I hated how I always allowed the day to make me feel like the life I was living was less than others, simply because I didn’t have a man by my side. However, I know that I allowed that day to make me feel like that. No one can truly hurt your feelings or make you feel like less of a person unless you let them, and I was all for feeling pitiful for myself. What a contradiction, right? I detest when people pity me, but I can pity myself! Well, not anymore folks! It’s time for a new April.So this Valentine’s Day, I’m going to celebrate all the people I love. I’ll celebrate my mom and the time I had with her; my sister, Diana, and my dad, Don, who are my most trusted companions and love personified; my best friends, Kristen, who have always supported and has been my partner in crime since we were in high school, and yes…myself…because I have learned to love myself and who I am. I’m ready to LOVE!