Letters To the Fathers and Fatherless: An Author’s Story of Mended Fences

Letters To the Fathers and Fatherless: An Author’s Story of Mended Fences

Growing up in the world today is by no stretch of the imagination an easy task. The truth of the matter is that it hasn’t ever been. Each and every child needs as much positive guidance and the right role models to help them to navigate this journey. As we approach another Father’s Day this year we are reminded of our childhoods, and either the presence or absence of our fathers. Whether we had a father in our lives or not, there is no doubt that we have all been influenced in some way. In turn we reflect on the impact that it has had on our lives even today. I caught up with Author Sherman M. Nelson Jr. by way of Chicago Illinois who captured the conversations that he desired greatly to have with his biological father while growing up. Sherman realized that sometimes the very things that we need or should have received as a child, we have to give to and create for ourselves. And in his writing, he found healing and forgiveness that he wants to share with all men. “I know that if God did it for me, then he can also do it for you!’ Sherman shares. In mentioning his father Nelson says this, “My relationship with my Dad is incredible! He is my favorite guy in the entire world. But God mended a lot of things in me, to get us to that point.”{{more}} “When I grew up, I grew up in a household with my Mom and my Grandmother, and My Dad was around…” Nelson hesitantly mentions. “I mean I would see him on special occasions, on birthdays and holidays…but the day to day interaction, I didn’t have with him,” said Nelson. Unlike many children today, Sherman was aware of who his father was and even had his father present at times. However, Sherman knew that he was still missing the relationship of his father’s continual presence in his life. Sadly to say that for many men and women even today it is difficult for them to distinguish the difference between the two. Simply being present in your child’s life is one thing, but having a presence in your child’s life is another. “So my perspective for writing this book was, these are eight things that I wish I could have talked to my Father about. But I didn’t get to talk to him about Integrity because when I saw him, it was on a special occasion and we were doing that occasion. So I didn’t get to talk to him about Responsibility.” These are the conversations that Nelson never had with his father as a child. Sherman is blessing the world with them now. Out of Nelson’s pain and searching for answers, his healing came in the form of a book released in November 2013. He wrote the book in the form of a conversation, rather than a book of hard-pressed instruction of commands and rules. His book is entitled “Flowing from My Heart: Letters from a Father to a Son”.Nelson says that as a child when his Father was around, he was always cool and that he enjoyed being with him. “But always in the back of my mind there was some resentment because I thought he wasn’t there.” shares Nelson. “As I grew older…one day, I think I might have been 30. I was in the car driving and it just all bubbled out. I was like God, why wasn’t I good enough for my Dad? I was a strait ‘A’ Student, I was a good kid, I never got in trouble, Everybody loved me, I won the Science Fair, the Spelling Bee and all of that. Yet I wasn’t good enough for My Father?” There were mounting questions for Sherman that had seemed to go unanswered for so long. So many can relate to the pain that Sherman felt. Sherman shares on his YouTube sound bite that he was so close to the edge many times in his life and felt like he was going to go over the brink. “I had many close breaking points in my life.” he adds. This is a place and point that many youth and grown men get to in their lives lacking the guidance that comes from a father. In the midst of it all, God had a revelation for him. “I said, God I need you to take this hurt out of my heart right now, or else I’m not going to make it.” says Nelson. “He revealed to me that it wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough, but my Dad was doing the best job that he knew how…because My Grandfather didn’t teach Him how to be a Father. So how can you teach what you’re learning on the fly?” added Sherman.Make no mistake about it, this revelation did not create an instant mend of that broken fence torn so long ago, but it did give Sherman a completely different way of looking at things. Once Nelson began to change the way that he was looking at things, the way that he was looking at things began to change. Sherman says that he has other siblings that he did not grow up with “And I have three sisters, my Dad has three daughters. But I was his only son. So that changed my perspective about how I looked at what went on with my Dad.” While still a long road ahead, that revelation from God began the journey of healing over the next decade of Nelson Jr.’s life.This healing took place and manifested in many different forms. One of those forms of manifestation resulted in Sherman’s name change and claim. After having grown up with his mother’s last name, as many children from single parent households do… Sherman made a profound decision to lay claim on his biological Father’s last name. “So when I changed my name…I changed my name I think at 40 and that set me on the path. I said I want to be called Sherman Nelson Jr., because I want to speak life into the relationship between my Dad and I, so that when I have a son, he will never know what it’s like not to have his Dad involved in every area of his life. And I want him to see his grandfather and be like Oh My god My Grandfather is So Awesome! He’s just like My Dad,” adds Nelson. He goes on to role play that conversation with his future son saying “I know and you’re going to be just like us! We’re going to be men of conviction. Men of Purpose and Men of Passion but more importantly we’re going to be Men of God!” Nelson tells that one of his favorite scripture comes from Joshua 24:15- “…but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” He has it hanging over the mirror in his bedroom.Recovering from the resentment that Nelson once felt for his Father not being there the way that he needed for him to be has been a process. Nelson desires for men to know that it took time and that God is the one that did the healing. Sherman explains, “Now, that resentment is gone and all I have is Joy in my heart. Every moment I get to spend with him, is a blessing. And I find out I’m more like him the older I get. We are So much alike.” My sister’s are like, it is really ridiculous when you two are together because you guys act like brothers.” Nelson says with a chuckle and smile. He adds, “My Dad, he is my guy!”“The ability to forgive is critical.” Nelson adds. He believes that before doing so it will affect every relationship that an individual has with themselves and with others. He tells that had he not forgiven his father for the pain that he felt within at the time that he did…his path would have been quite different. The difference would have been one of detriment for him and what could have been. “I was married before, and we had several miscarriages. And I believe that God didn’t allow me to have children because I hadn’t mended that fence yet.” Nelson Jr. adds, “And if I hadn’t mended it, I was going to end up recreating it. I feel that if I would have brought children into this world with an ode against my Father, without resolving it I think I was going to recreate the cycle again,” states Nelson with conviction. Also a Baptist Minister and former youth Pastor Nelson gives the glory to God. “And I am grateful to Him that in his divine wisdom he understands the perfect time for us to do and to have what he wants us to have,” reported Nelson.Sherman M. Nelson Jr. is not only an Author. He is also an Entrepreneur, Personal Trainer, and nutritionist, Coach and Holds a 4th Degree Black Belt in Tae Kwando. Nelson travels around the world training and coaching those who desire to be elite athletes as a nutritionist and has been doing so since being a student at Howard University. He sees how God has blessed him throughout his career and lifetime to be prepared for what’s to come. On having daughters he mentions, “I have two of my athletes, whom I’ve known almost all of their lives. I call them my daughters… I always tell people that these are the daughter’s that God gave me to practice on. I got to practice with them from childhood to teenage years to young adults. The angst that Dad’s really feel, I got to practice all of that before I actually gave birth to children,” Nelson relates. Nelson is breaking the cycle of bondage for his family now as well as for the future. Sherman M. Nelson Jr. states that at the age of 48 he’s getting ready to get married. “I’m looking forward to having children at a time when I think that I can be the awesome Super Star Dad that He Needs me to be. And I’m grateful that he didn’t allow me to be anything less than that! Mending The Broken Pieces and placing them In Letters- “About 2010, I quit my job. I was working for the government. I didn’t want to be a drone,” said Nelson. Nelson desired to do what he felt God had been purposing for him to do in his heart. Nelson feels that all of the little boys and grown men can find solace in these letters that he has written. In the beginning he told himself not to tell what he went through in life, after all everyone believes your life is amazing. “Then God said to me…Tell it!” He says that he gave himself 30 days to complete what he had been procrastinating to do. Within 27 of those 30 days he sat at his laptop and typed. He tells that as he typed the letters, the healing flowed with each one. “The road to manhood is tough! God’s design is for fathers to help their sons get on and navigate this sometimes over whelming highway. Flowing from my heart: letters from a father to a son identifies 8 things that a father should share with his son about manhood.”Identity – who you areResponsibility – what you should doIntegrity – how you should carry yourselfFailure – what to do when things falls apartForgiveness – how to forgive yourself and othersHappiness – why you will keep chasing itLove – what is real love?Marriage – what goes into a Godly marriage?What should a father say about these topics? What does God say about them?God desires that the hearts of fathers be turned to their children and the hearts of children be turned to their fathers. . “Flowing from my heart provides 8 conversations that can help hearts to turn,” said NelsonYou may purchase Sherman M. Nelson Jr.’s Book online at www.amazon.com or online at Barnes and Nobles. You can also purchase it here: http://bookstore.westbowpress.com/Author/Default.aspx?BookworksSId=SKU-000650893 If you’d like to book Sherman for a Speaking engagement or a book signing feel free to contact his Publicist @ 340-4503.