FOR FUN: Things I Learned Living in the South

FOR FUN: Things I Learned Living in the South

By Floyd Miller

 

 

 

* A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.*There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South* There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one’s seen before.*If it grows, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls, it’ll bite cha.* Onced and Twiced are words.* It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!* Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom?* People actually grow, eat and like okra.* Fixinto is one word. It means I’m going to do that/* There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there’s supper.{{more}}* Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.* Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.* The word jeet is actually a questions meaning, “Did you eat?”* You don’t have to wear a watch, because it doesn’t matter what time it is, you work until you’re done or its too dark to see.* You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH em.* Ya’ll is singular. All ya’ll is plural.* All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.* You carry jumper cables in your car – for your OWN car.* You only have five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.* The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.* You think the first day of deer season is a national holiday.* You know what a hissy fit it.* Fried catfish is the other white meat.* We don’t need no dang Driver’s Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!* You understand these jokes and share them with your Southern Friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.