Da’Cipher 360°

Da’Cipher 360°

By Marilyn Miller, M.Ed. Executive Director Da’Cipher 360°

 

 

 

Unbridled Anger is Not the Ticket to Success Do you remember the last time you were angry? Was itwhen you made a comment and you felt belittled because of the response? Maybeyour favorite basketball team lost the game. Or your loved one may have beentaken away much too soon.Whatever has caused your anger, it’s a good idea to takea look at anger and what it does when we give it power. We have to handle ouranger and channel our emotions because it can be a ticking time bomb that couldbe set off by a small spark creating mass destruction.Adults have a responsibility to teach their children byexample that out of control anger will work to their detriment over time.Children are committing shootings in schools and colleges. Adults are losingcontrol and killing their own children because of bottled up anger. It is aticking time bomb. If an individual cannot control themselves, someone elsewill.Some solutions for anger management, offered by the MayoClinic , are:Think before you act.In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you’lllater regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before sayinganything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.Once you’re calm, express your anger.As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration inan assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearlyand directly, without hurting others or trying to control themGet someexercise.Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you tobecome angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, orspend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities. {{more}}Take a time out.Timeouts aren’t just for kids. Give yourself short breaks duringtimes of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time mighthelp you feel better prepared to handle what’s ahead without getting irritatedor angry.Identifypossible solutions.Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving theissue at hand. Does your child’s messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Isyour partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening —or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that angerwon’t fix anything and might only make it worse.Stick with “I”statements.To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might onlyincrease tension — use “I” statements to describe the problem. Berespectful and specific. For example, say, “I’m upset that you left thetable without offering to help with the dishes,” instead of, “Younever do any housework.”Don’t hold a grudge.Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and othernegative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourselfswallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you canforgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation. It’sunrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.Use humor torelease tension.Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help youface what’s making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations youhave for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings andmake things worsePracticerelaxation skills.When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practicedeep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word orphrase, such as, “Take it easy.” You might also listen to music,write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encouragerelaxation.Know when toseek help.Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times.Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control,causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.